CHILDREN AND DIVORCE Telling your children about your divorce can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. And sadly, approximately 50% of families will have to face that task. I get irritated when I hear people say, "Oh, kids are so resilient--they will be fine after the divorce." Truth is, one of the ways adults develop resilience is by living through life experiences that train them on … [Read more...]
January is Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month
Do Children of Divorce Need Counseling? In my practice, I regularly suggest counseling for the children of parents in conflict because, when the parents are so embroiled in their own conflict or pain, they are sometimes unable to recognize their children’s emotional needs in the way that they need to. When any of us are in deep conflict or pain, we revert to our more primal reactions … [Read more...]
Set Your Own Boundaries, So Your Kids Don’t Have to Do It For You
Unhappily Married, Divorcing or Divorced Parents, Set Your Own Boundaries, So Your Kids Aren’t the Ones Who Suffer I lost a friend once when I was candid with her and said I thought her bashing her husband to her kids and in front of the kids was destructive to them, and if they ever ended up in a divorce, she could lose custody of the kids because of her actions. She got angry, saying, … [Read more...]
“Love, Honor and Negotiate” – Pre-Marital Agreements as Insurance for Your Relationship
Whatever the long-term relationship status might be, it is a good idea to have a pre-marital or cohabitation agreement. Why? Many people are now waiting to marry until later in life. Some do not marry at all, but are in long-term co-habitation relationships. Psychologists and other social scientists say this is because of one or several possibilities: the expectations of … [Read more...]
How to Manage Shared Parenting Time
What is really in the “best interest” of the children? I spent last week in New Orleans at the State Bar of Texas/American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers seminar on “Breaking Boundaries in Custody Litigation.” As someone who has embraced Collaborative Divorce and non-adversarial conflict resolution for families, it might seem curious why I would go to a course that even has “litigation” … [Read more...]
Can You Get A Divorce AND Have Happy Holidays?
I just returned from the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals 16th Annual Educational Forum, and I heard one participant say, “Litigation teaches clients how to litigate, and they end up doing it again and again (modifications), whereas in a Collaborative Divorce clients learn how to resolve conflict and issues so that they can move on without having to ‘re-litigate’ their issues … [Read more...]
The Impact of Conflict on Children
I am attending the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals 16th Annual Educational Forum in Washington, D.C. Donna Hicks, Ph.D., an associate at the Weatherford Center for International Affairs at Harvard and author of the book, “Dignity,” is our keynote speaker tomorrow night. Of course, because she works primarily in the field of international relations, much of her book is about … [Read more...]
10 Things to Remember With Children in Divorce
10 Things to Remember When Telling the Children About Your Divorce I remember today, fifty years later, walking in on my grandparents when one said, “Well, maybe we should just get a divorce.” That is one of the most vivid memories of my childhood. I was very close to my grandparents, as they cared for me each day while my parents worked, but still they were JUST my grandparents. I can only … [Read more...]
How to Have an Emotionally Safe Divorce
The Emotional Safety of a Collaborative Divorce In reading an article in this morning’s newspaper, I found a quote that sets out one very good reason why the Collaborative Divorce Process is better for most families than litigation. Litigation is what a trial is called, either before a judge or before a jury, and the rules of the game in litigation are to present evidence as to why the other side … [Read more...]
Ashley Madison… A Tragedy?
Can Anything Good Come From the Ashley Madison Tragedy? Ashley Madison is a tragedy--not because names have been revealed on a hacker's website, but because of what that security breach will do to relationships and families. However, I believe the answer to the question “Can Anything Good Come From The Ashley Madison Tragedy” may be “Yes.” In my experience in over thirty years as a divorce … [Read more...]
