A little while ago, Tom and Adrian, the guys at overdivorce.com, were nice enough to invite me to do a podcast about Collaborative Divorce on their show. I have listened to a number of their podcasts, and I recommend that, whether you are a man or a woman, you read their Divorce Survival Tools for Men (much if not 100% of the advice in this little book is good for women, too). Too often, men who are going through a divorce don’t talk about what they are going through or take good care of themselves because, after all they are guys–so by definition they are strong and don’t need to share or ask for help, right? But you can privately get just a little bit of help by looking at some of the material on the Over Divorce guys’ website.
In another blog from my website, entitled, Name the Emotion and You Will Be Better Able to Deal with it and Protect Your Family From it, we heard from New York counselor, Rich Heller, when he interviewed Dr. John Shinnerer, a psychologist who is the host of the podcast, The Evolved Caveman podcast.
In his podcast with Rich Heller, entitled, The Best Thing You Can Do for Your Partner, Dr. Shinnerer talks about how difficult it is for men to identify, name and show their emotions.
He talks about how parents and our society shame boys for even having feelings and emotions, teaching them to push them down inside. He says when men do that, because the feelings are still there, notwithstanding this attempted repressing of them, those feelings are likely to come out in anger. Dr. Shinnerer says that if men can identify and name the emotions they are feeling, then they can begin to work through them, which will make them emotionally and physically healthier (whether they are married or single). If men (or women) are in or have gone through a divorce, this technique will help them manage themselves better, during and after their divorce, and if they have children, help them be a better co-parent for their children in the years after the divorce.
For an additional resource on co-parenting, especially if you have a non-cooperative parent on the other side of your divorce, please read Deborah Gilman, Ph.D.’s new book, “(Un)Tangled: 52 Co-Parenting Habits to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict and Raise Emotionally Secure Kids After Divorce.” Dr. Gilman offers techniques to change habits over a 52-week period, including a chapter called, “Name it to Tame It.” Dr. Gilman, who is who a psychologist and Collaborative Coach in the Pittsburgh, PA, area, agrees with Dr. Shinnerer and Rich Heller. I recently interviewed Dr. Gilman on “The Respectful Divorce Podcast,” where we talk about her ideas and techniques for resolving conflict and raising emotionally secure kids after divorce.
If you or a friend or family member want to know more about Collaborative Divorce or litigation, please contact me at www.milner-law.com, by email at camille@milner-law.com, or by phone at 940-383-2674.
